New programming to save earth
"Planet Green, a new cable network[, is] due June 4." –USA Today
Could these be some of the programs we will expect?
American Idle—Our correspondents are out at long stoplights across the country, interviewing commuters. Today's question: Who is responsible for current high gas prices?
ReNew-lyweds: Al and Tipper—They renewed their vows to each other and the earth, now watch their crazy antics as Tipper cooks a tuna dinner and Al tries to learn French—all without harming the environment!
America's Next Top Coddle—Entrepreneurs compete for the chance to start their careers as favored recipients of huge government grants for allegedly-sustainable energy sources. This week: makeovers for nuclear and hydro power.
Dancing with the Stars and Planets—This show pairs celebrities with celestial bodies, who each week compete to avoid addressing the environmental consequences of their actions. This week, Marie Osmond and the dwarf planet Pluto dance around the issue of driving your SUV to the recycling center.
Survivor: Peoria—This week, contestants must design a citywide mandatory recycling program and pass pedestrian-friendly zoning regulations.
The Hills—Heidi and Spencer debate the possibility Lauren has recycled her sex tape, but decide that Lauren isn't capable of wanting to save the earth.
Battlestar: Gallatincounty—Highlights of debate on a new Bozeman, Montana, cluster-zoning ordinance.
Recycling with the Stars—This week, rocker Tommy Lee and rapper Ludacris try to give up bottled water.
The Great Books—Michael Pollan compares his growth as a writer to a tomato plant; Bill McKibben interviews a toadstool.
Curious George (children)—Curious George looks at a low-flush toilet.
Barney and Friends (children)—Come replace lightbulbs with compact fluorescents with me!
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood (children)—In the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, Prince Tuesday seeks to find an alternate fuel source for the train.
As the World Burns (drama)—Will news of the treacherous affair between Ashley (Minnie Driver) and Dirk (Matt Dillon) threaten the commitment Savannah (Daryl Hannah) to live a low-impact, eco-friendly, fully-carbon-offset vegan lifestyle?
Girl Talk with Salma Hayek—Biodegradable purses; also: lip glosses that look best under compact fluorescent light.
My Small Sustainable Geek Wedding—Dishes and flatware made from a mixture of cornstarch and manure; plus: a wedding dress made of wildflower seeds.
Ugly Bethesda—A full half-hour of rants against suburbia, with Daryl Hannah and her special guest James Howard Kunstler.
The Biggest Loser: Vegan—This week: oat bran!
Law & Order: SUV—Live coverage of the Berkeley, California, municipal task force on outlawing gas guzzlers.
Midday Matinee—"Born Free" (Virginia McKenna, Bill Travers, 1966). A couple in Kenya raise a lion cub but then must teach her to be free. (PG: Wild animal action.)
Midday Matinee panel— Adam Levine of Maroon 5 asks, Could it happen here? Maybe not with a lion, but a wolf or a bobcat or a very large nutria rat?
The Ecological Price is Right—The contestant who comes closest to guessing the proper carbon offset for a suburban office park wins a month of free public transportation.
Two and a Half Mentors—Tips for green living from Charlie Sheen, Richard Gere, and Verne Troyer. This week: Use an egg timer in the shower!
Destination: Mulchpile—Host Ed Begley, Jr ., presents a travelogue of amazing ecological wonders including springtails, sowbugs, and black soldier fly maggots. Incredibly, you can see these amazing natural creatures in your own backyard compost—no fossil-fuel burning transportation required!
CSI: Atmosphere—Forensic scientists make a thrilling study of planetary carbon dioxide levels.
Big Brother 10: Waste Stream—The houseguests must collaborate to reduce their output of waste—but Barry had bean burritos for dinner. As the cast debates when to flush, hilarity ensues.
PowerPoint! With Al Gore—More presentation slideshows.
Bedtime with Ed Begley, Jr.—The "Living with Ed" star reads from Brothers Grimm fairy tales updated to use more environmentally friendly options such as hemp-fleece riding hoods and birdseed instead of breadcrumbs.
